We the People

A recent survey has found that more Americans can name the judges on ‘American Idol’ and all five family members from ‘The Simpsons’ than can list all five of the freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment to the Constitution. *cue outrage and indignation*

This is understandable – what the freedoms need is some good marketing, and maybe some catchy, easy to remember characteristics. I’d rather have my teeth drilled without Novocain than watch American Idol, but I know that the judges are the black guy that calls everyone ‘dog,’ Paula Abdul (the sweet, supportive eye candy, I’d imagine), and the sour Brit that everyone would like to have the balls to emulate, at least as far as speaking their minds (and doesn’t he have a quintessentially British name, like Nigel or Simon?). The Simpsons are even easier, because, of course, they’ve raised most of us. But those freedoms, which slots do they fit into? Do any of them use the latest slang, or say 'D’oh!,' or entertain us every single week, even daily in syndication? No. Of course they don’t. So c’mon freedoms, it’s a new age: if you want me to remember you, you gotta dazzle me.

Just in case you’re Jay Leno and you hold ignorant people up for disdain while trying hurriedly to remember the answer to the question you’ve just asked them out of the blue, those freedoms are speech, religion, press, assembly, and redress of grievances.