Not exactly Top Gun with swim fins
Opening September, 2006: The Guardian
*initial reaction, with a surge of adrenaline* 'YES!! A helicopter search and rescue movie!!'
followed by, 'Wait, Disney, Kutcher, and... Costner.'
ack.
then the realization: 'Coast Guard, not Navy.'
double ack.
Coast Guard ocean rescue procedures:
1. Find survivor.
2. Lean out of helicopter door.
3. Cup hands over mouth.
4. Yell "Stand up!"
Missed opportunities by stupid Disney:
1. Naming the movie 'So Others May Live' - the rescue swimmer motto
2. Signing me, not Costner, as the grizzled heroic veteran (I'dve done it for loose change and a gift certificate to Taco Bell)
3. Using ex-Disney guy Michael Eisner as the water-bloated rescue dummy that he is.
What's next:
GI Jane II, where rescue swimmer Kutcher, having converted to the Navy, rescues SEAL Demi after her Mark V is sunk by 'Tears of the Sun' SEAL Bruce Willis. Perennial SEAL Michael Biehn will cameo, appearing very unsmiling.
Random generalizing question and wrap up:
Does repeatedly playing a bad-ass in a movie, or running in a circle of actors who've all played bad-asses make one feel more bad-assish than is merited by one's actual history of acting classes and working as a waiter until one's big break? Or does all the jumping around while playing a bad ass actually impart bad ass qualities? Whatever.
Costner should've stopped with Bull Durham, one of the finest movies ever made.
Doesn't matter because, I'm gonna fork over my eight bucks and lap up the Hollywood inaccuracies and bald emotional manipulation like the rest of the sheep; the only difference will be I'll be wearing my So Others May Live shirt and loudly cheering every tear-jerking catastrophe that could possibly lead to a picturesque and stirring soundtrack-accompanied rescue.
*initial reaction, with a surge of adrenaline* 'YES!! A helicopter search and rescue movie!!'
followed by, 'Wait, Disney, Kutcher, and... Costner.'
ack.
then the realization: 'Coast Guard, not Navy.'
double ack.
Coast Guard ocean rescue procedures:
1. Find survivor.
2. Lean out of helicopter door.
3. Cup hands over mouth.
4. Yell "Stand up!"
Missed opportunities by stupid Disney:
1. Naming the movie 'So Others May Live' - the rescue swimmer motto
2. Signing me, not Costner, as the grizzled heroic veteran (I'dve done it for loose change and a gift certificate to Taco Bell)
3. Using ex-Disney guy Michael Eisner as the water-bloated rescue dummy that he is.
What's next:
GI Jane II, where rescue swimmer Kutcher, having converted to the Navy, rescues SEAL Demi after her Mark V is sunk by 'Tears of the Sun' SEAL Bruce Willis. Perennial SEAL Michael Biehn will cameo, appearing very unsmiling.
Random generalizing question and wrap up:
Does repeatedly playing a bad-ass in a movie, or running in a circle of actors who've all played bad-asses make one feel more bad-assish than is merited by one's actual history of acting classes and working as a waiter until one's big break? Or does all the jumping around while playing a bad ass actually impart bad ass qualities? Whatever.
Costner should've stopped with Bull Durham, one of the finest movies ever made.
Doesn't matter because, I'm gonna fork over my eight bucks and lap up the Hollywood inaccuracies and bald emotional manipulation like the rest of the sheep; the only difference will be I'll be wearing my So Others May Live shirt and loudly cheering every tear-jerking catastrophe that could possibly lead to a picturesque and stirring soundtrack-accompanied rescue.
posted by jim at 7/10/2006 01:18:00 PM
2 Comments:
"Does repeatedly playing a bad-ass in a movie, or running in a circle of actors who've all played bad-asses make one feel more bad-assish than is merited by one's actual history of acting classes and working as a waiter until one's big break?"
Ask Matt Damon. Good Will Hunting, Rounders, Born; it's like he'll only accept rolls if he gets to be a uber-human.
*blushing and fanning face*
oh, but he is...
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